FROM THE HEART “Since October 7th I have been two different mothers”
We great pleasure and admiration we are reprinting a posting by Kara Goldman, MD, a mother, a RE, and an associate professor at the Feinberg School of Medicine of Northwestern University in Chicago. It first appeared on REIs for Israel and, in our opinion, is deserving of much wider distribution.
Since October 7th I have been two different mothers: There’s the mother that I allow my children to see – the one who reassures my kids that good will prevail over evil. Who stifles her grief, so her kids maintain the weightless innocence of childhood. That’s the mom that was required of me today.
I stole glances at the Times of Israel website while waiting in line at a California theme park. I snapped pics of my sweet girls with Hello Kitty when I learned that 4 caskets were returned to Israel. I wept silently to myself while four blissfully unaware kids ate ice cream and skipped between rides.
When I learned later in the day that Shiri’s body was not with her sons’ murdered bodies, I was on a tram ride through Universal Studios with my own sweet baby boy napping on me with his little fist curled up by my neck. I couldn’t help but see the parallel between the haunting images of Shiri, Kfir, and Ariel in those final terrifying moments before they were taken hostage. I read the news with terror, not understanding how this nightmare could get any worse. And yet— my kids needed lunch, and there was no time for grief because my kids deserve these rare moments of unencumbered joy.
Every moment since October 7th has been like this. My son is only a few months younger than Kfir, and I have seen the Bibas family every day in every moment of my own parenthood. The early mornings when my sweet boy wakes eagerly searching for snuggles and milk, the diaper changes when he thrashes around and giggles while I chase him down with wipes, the moments of uncontrollable tears that require patience and love. The milestones-- new teeth, first steps, first words. I couldn’t imagine how any of that would look in captivity, but I took the smallest amount of comfort thinking that Shiri was with her children and would rise to the insurmountable maternal tasks required of her. Now that we know their bodies weren’t together, this is a new depth of grief. For how long were those sweet innocent boys alone? Was she there to comfort them when they were being murdered? It’s unbearable.
Yes, since October 7th I have been two different mothers. The mother at Universal Studios today who wouldn’t dare let my daughters know that the ‘baby hostages’ they’ve worried about for 500 days are no longer with us. And there’s the mother who they don’t see--- the one who, in the quiet moments after all four are asleep, fears that the world is all too comfortable with the murder of Jewish children.
There’s the version of me from October 6th, and the forever changed person since October 7th. But this— today marks a darker turning point in the evolution of Jews everywhere. A flicker of hope has been extinguished.
Tomorrow morning I’ll wake up early with the kids on our last day of vacation and actively work to build happy memories, and I’ll save the broken-mother version of myself for after they’ve gone to sleep.
And then on Monday, we’ll return them to school greeted by the usual site of multiple armed guards protecting the Jewish children and staff within. We will decide when and how to share with them the tragic news uncovered today, but until then we’ll protect whatever shred of innocence we can.
And we’ll pray that the world finally starts to care about the lives of Jewish children.
EDITORS’ COMMENTS:
We are including a copy of this heartbreaking contribution regarding October 7, 2023, barely two days after the world became aware of the unspeakable atrocities conducted by military forces loyal to the new Syrian fundamentalist Muslim government against Christians and Alawites on March 7 and 8, 2025. The excesses of Muslim fundamental extremism must be brought to an end!